Love cannot wait for fear's good graces

Words so beautifully and poignantly spoken by our wedding officiant and dear friend, Dashielle Vawter, that I wanted to share a little more of what everyone who was there got to hear. When I go back to that day in my mind, and I do quite often, I am completely overwhelmed with joy. How in the world were we able to absorb that much love in one day! It’s a heart gift that keeps on giving. For everyone who was there and bore witness to the love fest, Danny and I say thank you from the bottom of our hearts. We are so grateful and honored that you were able to be a part of this most momentous occasion. Love, most definitely, wins. It certainly did on September 24, 2017.

The following is an excerpt from the ceremony:

Love cannot wait for fear’s good graces. Love is the nourishment we are hungry for, the magic that inspires creation, and it is the glue that we as individuals, in the families we inhabit, the organizations we work for, the societies we live in, and the world we share, need so profoundly. No, we cannot wait for this medicine- wait to take it, wait to celebrate it, or wait to work for its fulfillment. Kahlil Gibran said that “work is love made manifest.” Love is also work, made visible. So we’re here to say yes to more love in the world, more commitment between human beings, and to a world where all love is celebrated, affirmed and sanctified.

What would the world be without the brightness and hope that Tim and Danny bring as individuals and as a couple. Their love has provided gifts that have likely been of benefit to every person here. The field that love creates touches more that the couple who inhabit and tend it. Danny and Tim’s generosity and grace are respite like drinking cold water on a hot day. Part of this is because both Danny and Tim are not only dedicated to themselves, but because they are dedicated to us, to you, to me, to the world, to other beings, and to life itself. Danny and Tim, as individuals and together your love is a gift to the world, and you need to take that in as both reflection of your beauty, and as an acknowledgment of the sacred responsibilities you have come here in this life to take on.

So we, all of us, are here to stand for them as a community in the way that they stand for us as friends and family, but we are also here to be nourished ourselves. To have the home for love in our own hearts renewed. I’ll say that again- to witness people committing to each other in love renews the home for love in our own hearts.

If you have hurt places inside of you from our world, from love lost, from whatever griefs you carry, take a moment to honor that pain, and then to drink in the hope and possibility that this love represents. Know it is for you too.

It reminds us that love is completely fulfilled only through commitment to move through challenge. Love is not intended as an easy path, or a path for those too fragile to risk all of themselves. Love requires more than independence does. For the sacrifice and work required and for the beautiful gift to the world that is forged, we thank you two for walking the path you have chosen.

Today we are here to surround Tim and Danny with support as they walk through this most sacred of doorways. We mark this as a rite of passage because commitment means showing up through difficulty, not just a lifetime of joy. It is no small thing, and it is not simply a piece of paper. We are here to celebrate them, their love and their choice. And we are here because we love them.

I had the honor, privilege and joy of getting to interview Tim and Danny about their relationship, what marriage means to them, and I want to share some of what they shared with me.

First- We all have a deep gratitude to those who made this possible- those who fought and sacrificed for love and equality. Declaring love, publicly and openly, may be something many take for granted- but those who grew up believing that that wasn’t available to them will have a different relationship with being able to stand in front of loved ones and make a declaration of love and commitment. We’re so grateful for this, so grateful.

Indeed the process of claiming this right, standing inside of it more fully, has led Tim and Danny to think of their relationship not just as a partnership, but as family. This is a precious distinction as it signifies bonds that cannot be broken, it signifies a deeper level of security, and it signifies a different place of honor in our culture. Today we are here to honor the deepening of your relationship into a relationship that is family, and to honor its sacredness in your lives.

Each Tim and Danny describe each other as being the perfect fit. Though I have seen them through challenges in their relationship the values they share, their commitment to and belief in service, and the connection they share, has continued to move them through those challenges into deeper and deeper levels of love, acceptance, healing and commitment. This is the promise of love- not that it will make us perfectly happy, but that when people are willing to be humbled and to see ourselves and the other person through, that deeper intimacy, connection, trust and fulfillment become possible. This is what it means to create life together as a team.

I’m going to end my comments with a beautiful quote from Tim that I know represents how they both feel:

“Marriage means that I love you and I want to always be connected to you. It means being able to say “this is my husband” it means being able to declare that. This is someone I’ve bonded with deeply and profoundly. This is someone where there is no back door. This is it. Whatever is in there, it’s such a beautiful experience to work through it all together. Marriage means being together. I want to be able to hold his hand in front of anyone and say yes I ‘m married to the love of my life and I’m in love with Danny Gray! To be able to declare that, that you’re in love with someone is really something that I feel more compelled to proclaim today more than ever. We all need to declare that. Everyone needs that.”